


Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Peace

by hannaenomia



Category: The Haunting of Bly Manor (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 23:09:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28536426
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannaenomia/pseuds/hannaenomia
Summary: Inspired by Speak Now by Taylor Swift"The gardener sat there in silence for a time, trying to decide what to do. She knew Dani wanted her to say she was still in love. But, that didn’t feel fair. For either of them. Dani was getting married tomorrow and Jamie would tear open feelings she was trying to forget just to make Dani choose between getting married and running off with her. There were no guarantees, but no matter how it worked out, someone was going to get hurt and the whole thing would become a mess."After an explosive breakup, Dani moves back home and gets back together with Edmund. A wedding invitation shows up at Bly almost a year later and Jamie has to decide whether to try to win Dani back or not.
Relationships: Dani Clayton & Edmund O'Mara, Dani Clayton & Jamie
Comments: 1
Kudos: 30





	Speak Now Or Forever Hold Your Peace

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you all enjoy this one shot! Let me know what you think in the comments, xx

Jamie stormed after Dani through the au pair’s bedroom door. Tensions were clearly high between the two of them. Dani grabbed her backpack from the closet and threw it onto the bed before she yanked open the drawers to her dresser.

“What are you doing?” Jamie yelled. She had one hand outstretched in exasperation and another one brushing her hair over her head.

“What does it look like?” Dani quipped. She stuffed a pile of clothes into the bag. “I’m packing.”

“So you’re just going to leave?” Jamie said. “Quit your job and leave your home just to get away from me?”

Dani slammed the drawer she had just opened and whipped around to face Jamie. “You’re making it feel like an easy choice.”

All of this started over a phone call from Edmund a week prior. He wanted closure, except then he called again and again. It made Jamie uncomfortable. She was jealous, and Dani was brushing her off without so much as an acknowledgement. From Dani’s perspective, she felt confused, still unsure how to talk about her sexuality, and Jamie was offering no understanding.

The words left, hanging, between Dani and Jamie enveloped the room. It sucked up all of the air until the two started to suffocate. There wasn’t enough left for either of them to even whisper a goodbye. So, the gardener nodded. She slid her hands into the pockets of her jeans and turned on her heel. She knew when she was no longer wanted and she knew she wasn’t interested in begging to stay in someone’s life.

In the kitchen, Owen and Hannah caught sight of Jamie. They probably noticed the rain cloud hanging above her head as she passed quietly through and out the back door. They didn’t ask questions then, nor did they ask questions when Jamie phoned in for a few days off. Hannah did try to broach the subject once Jamie returned to an au pair-less house the following week. Dani’s absence spoke for itself. The house was enough of a reminder, Jamie didn’t need to talk about it, too.

So, Jamie swallowed her words. She swallowed the fact that a small part of her had thought, really thought, that Dani could be the one. She swallowed the way her arrangements were saved for hallways and not beautiful hands. She swallowed the way tea was never made poorly. She swallowed the way Flora left Dani’s doll right beside the front door, hoping it would bring her back. Jamie had swallowed so much, the lump in her throat took up permanent residence. It was hard to speak over and for a while she just didn’t.

Owen and Hannah would try to talk to her, but she couldn’t muster up much more than a half-hearted smile or a quiet chuckle. Jamie was trying, she really was. It was just that her heart had never hurt so much and she couldn’t remember how to live. They invited her to everything, conversations, dinners, parties. The children were the only ones Jamie really talked to– really spent time with. Through them, sometimes, she could almost pretend that Dani was still there.

Almost a year passed. Jamie was finally starting to warm up again, finally participating without bribery in her life and her friendships. That’s probably why Owen and Hannah tried so desperately to hide it from her.

“That the post?” Jamie asked. She had just walked in from the garden and she made straight for the sink to get a glass of water. 

“Uh,” Owen looked over at Hannah. He attempted to slide the mail across the table in a nonchalant way, but drastically failed. “Yes, it is.”

Jamie set one hand down on top of the pile to stop its migration across the table. She narrowed her eyes at him. “I’m waiting for a letter from the supply shop about when I can expect a shipment. It’s not in here, is it?”

Hannah reached through the two and picked up the pile. “There’s just so much of it. Let me sort through it first and I’ll let you know.” 

“‘Kay, what’s going on?” Jamie snapped. She watched as the housekeeper and the cook shared a secret exchange amongst themselves. She grew tired of it quickly and snatched the stack of letters from Hannah.

“Oh, Jamie,” Hannah cried. She made for them again, but Jamie circled around to the opposite end of the table. “I really don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Her eyebrows scrunched together as she sorted through the stack. She found the letter from the supply store and tossed it onto the table beside her. “I don’t know what you’re hiding from me, but I’m a grown…” Her voice trailed off. The next letter in the stack was addressed in familiar handwriting. She removed it and dropped the rest right back on top of her own she had only just dug out. “Adult,” she finished as her eyes took it in. The envelope was already opened and its contents had been stuffed back inside. Jamie held it up to her friends. “What’s this?”

Owen reached a hand around to the back of his head and watched as Hannah stumbled over a few different words trying to find the right one. Jamie’s face began to turn red and her patience frayed so, instead, she aggressively pulled out the contents. 

“Blimey,” she whispered. It was a white piece of cardstock paper. Elegant gold lines made up the border of the card. In the center was a printed message that read ‘Edmund O’Mara and Danielle Clayton invite you to share in their joy on their wedding day’. She cleared her throat and returned the invitation to the envelope. “I hope she’s happy.”

“Oh, she can’t be,” Hannah insisted. Both Jamie and Owen looked her way, confused. The woman became a bit awkward and waved her hand around. “You know, she was different. After you two got together, Dani was more… herself.”

“Was she?” Jamie asked and returned to her task of retrieving a glass of water. “Because, from where I sit, she broke off an engagement to experiment and then realized she already had what she wanted.”

Owen sent Hannah a look as the housekeeper picked up a cup of tea and took an exaggerated sip. “So, I’m guessing you won’t be going?” She asked.

Jamie scrunched her face and shook her head. “That’s alright. You two probably want to go and someone needs to hold down the fort. Watch the kids. God knows Henry won’t do it.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Hannah shook her head. “I’m not sure I’m intrigued at the idea of,” she opened the card again and squinted at it. “Iowa.”

“Don’t write Iowa off so quickly,” Owen insisted. “I’ve heard it’s a-maize-ing.”

Both women paused and stared at him. “What are you going on about?” Jamie asked.

“Corn,” Owen said, as if it was obvious. “They grow a lot of corn. Seriously, you two need to leave this country more.”

Hannah patted Owen’s hands. “Owen, dear, Iowa isn’t exactly where I would go should I ever leave Bly.”

“Your loss,” Owen said and winked at her.

“Like the middle of butt-fuck nowhere America is at the top of your bucket list,” Jamie quipped. Her eyes landed on the invitation now strewn on the table top from Hannah’s last perusal. She hadn’t noticed the date before. The wedding was fast, only two weeks away. International mail was slow and the envelope was dated almost two weeks prior, but that was still a quick turn around. Dani really hadn’t wasted any time. Jamie cleared her throat again. “I should probably get back to work.”

As much as Jamie pretended she could push the idea of Dani’s impending marriage to the back of her mind, every single day seemed like a countdown to the wedding. Hannah had placed the invitation on the fridge and, later that evening, Jamie walked in on Flora dancing around the dining table begging to go. After two days of that, it was decided that Hannah and Owen would escort the children to the wedding, but Jamie steadfastly refused to join and no one pushed her on the matter.

The day before the others were set to leave, Jamie found herself digging up a large section of her rose garden. It wasn’t quite right. The alignment was off or the sun didn’t hit it right or she organized the colors wrong. She didn’t know why, she just knew she had to dig it up.

“What’s this?” Owen asked. He brandished a lemonade in one hand and shaded his eyes from the sun with the other.

“Nothing, it’s nothing,” Jamie grumbled under her breath. She threw her gloves off and accepted the lemonade. She wiped her brow with her upper arm.

Owen nodded, dramatically. “And the bush in the statue garden that you took shears to yesterday? Was it a bit too much of a wise arse, that one?”

Jamie stared daggers at him. “You’re giving it a run for its money, shall I fetch the shears again? Worked well for me yesterday apparently.”

“Point taken,” he said and held up his hands in surrender. Then he let out a deep sigh and wrung his hands together. “So I’m guessing now might not be the best time to tell you there was a slight mix up with the travel plans.”

The gardener huffed hot air until her bangs flew from her eyes. She shook her head. “I’m not following.”

He reached into his back pocket and held out a small airline envelope. “Henry was kind enough to pay for the trip so Hannah worked with him to get the tickets all sorted and it seems one was mistakenly purchased for you.”

Jamie looked from the tickets in Owen’s hand up to his eyes. Her jaw was squared and her eyebrows raised. She didn’t know how much more she could take from him. “Sure, a ‘mistake’.” She turned her back to the cook and traded the lemonade for a trowel. “I’m not going so he can return the tickets.”

“They’re non-refundable,” Owen added. He sighed. “Just think about it, okay? You might enjoy a holiday.”

“To Iowa?” Jamie deadpanned.

Owen set the tickets on top of Jamie’s gardening cart. “Color me daft, but I think maybe she wants you there.” 

Her hand slowly stopped working. She stared across the soil in front of her. She cussed inward and returned to her work. “No one wants their ex at their wedding.”

“Hmm,” Owen nodded. “So why would she send an invitation to the house?”

Jamie rolled her eyes. She knew what he was doing, but something in her wanted to play along if only to see where he was going exactly. “I don’t know, Owen. Probably for you, Hannah, and the kids.”

He clicked his tongue. “Bit rude, don’t you think?”

“She’s not rude,” Jamie hissed. Owen stayed quiet and she knew he had cornered her. She couldn’t care less, though, still fuming over the insinuation that Dani was a rude person. Dani didn’t have a mean bone in her body. She was the kindest soul Jamie had ever met. And then it clicked for her. “Oh.”

“Oh,” Owen nodded, mocking.

Dani wanted Jamie to know.

“Well, it doesn’t change anything,” the gardener insisted. “I still shouldn’t go.”

Owen shrugged. “Suit yourself. If you do change your mind, though, make sure you’re here at eight tomorrow morning.”

The conversation played through Jamie’s mind all night long. She just couldn’t shake it. Why would Dani want her there? She wasn’t the kind of person to intentionally hurt an ex. Maybe Jamie and Owen had been wrong, maybe that wasn’t the au pair’s secret motive. But no matter how many stories she spun to explain it, she couldn’t find another one that made sense.

She rolled over and brushed her hand over the pillow where Dani used to sleep. The idea of Dani sleeping beside someone else burned. The burning slipped down into her stomach as she thought about all the nights she’d spent with Dani and all the nights she thought she would get to spend with Dani. 

Jamie climbed out of bed and wandered to the window. She rubbed her hands up and down her arms. Her apartment always got chilly at night and she had a tendency to run cold. Dani, on the other hand, always ran hot. She called herself Jamie’s personal heater. 

Her gaze fell to the shelf on her left. It was overrun with books. So many that there were some stacked on their sides to make it fit. Underneath one particular stack was a purple container the size of a shoebox. Jamie carefully slid it from its spot and opened it as she wandered back to her bed. Inside were all the things that reminded her of her time with Dani she couldn’t bear to throw away.

Most of the contents were made up of handwritten letters that Dani used to hide around the grounds for Jamie to find. They were all short, usually just a couple lines. She would read them when she felt lonely or missed Dani. 

Somewhere among the notes, Jamie fell asleep. She almost slept through her alarm. It blared for a third time before she finally stirred. Drool pooled under her mouth and and she jerked awake, her hair falling out of the bun. It was Tuesday so she didn’t need to start until 8:30 and the flashing 7:30 caused an electric shock to shoot through her body. She didn’t need to be there at 8:00– it’s not like she needed to leave with everyone else. Even so, her heart raced and stomach churned with urgency so she jumped from the bed and dug through her drawers for clothes.

Jamie rolled onto the grounds just before 8:00 and rushed into the house. Miles and Flora had their bags lined up in the entranceway and Owen dropped Hannah’s beside them. He straightened up and watched Jamie rush into the house.

“There you are,” Owen said.

“What?” Jamie asked. She stuffed her hands in her jacket pocket.

Hannah rushed through the door huffing and puffing. “The children can’t seem to find their jumpers.”

“Aren’t they hung up on the hooks by the back door?” Owen asked.

“I looked,” Hannah sighed. She nodded at Jamie. “I was worried you would be late.”

Jamie shook her head, awkwardly. “I’m not coming.”

“Nonsense,” Hannah said. She set her hands on her hips. “I suppose that means you didn’t pack your bag then?”

“Yes, because I’m not coming,” Jamie snapped. She rolled her eyes.

Owen raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms. “So you’re here thirty minutes early to…?”

“Say goodbye, of course,” Jamie cried. The cook and housekeeper shared a look and chuckled. “I’m not coming!”

Hannah chuckled again and walked back toward the kitchen. The children rushed past her and almost knocked her over. “No running in the house. You’ll fall on your knees and scrape them up.”

Flora slowed and held her jumper up in the air. “We found them, don’t worry.” Then, she turned to Jamie and held out her hand which the gardener happily took. “I want to sit next to you on the flight, please. We can play cards.”

“If I were going, then absolutely,” Jamie said. She squeezed Flora’s hand.

“What do you mean you’re not going?” Miles asked, his eyebrows scrunched. “Owen said you changed your mind.”

Jamie squared her gaze on Owen and raised an eyebrow. “You said what?”

“Thank God you leave clothes here for me to clean and forget about them,” Hannah sighed as she returned to the foyer. A black duffel bag was in her hand and she set it amongst the others.

“Right, well, we’ve got to leave or we’ll be late,” Owen said. He lowered himself to Flora’s eye level as he picked up a bag in each hand. “We’re already a bit behind schedule thanks to this one.”   
Flora giggled and hoisted up a bag. She needed two hands to carry it a few steps and her face crumpled in concentration. Jamie groaned loudly and took the bag from the young girl. “Give it here before you hurt yourself.”

“Oh my goodness,” Hannah cried out. “We are much too late. Owen, I told you we should have told her 7:30 and not 8:00.”

“Well, she’s here now, isn’t she?” Owen asked over his shoulder. He left the door open behind him and the other four filed out after him. “It’s not far to the airport, we can make it if we go fast enough.”

“If we don’t crash on our way there or get delayed by a speeding ticket,” Hannah cried. “Everyone in the car now.”

Flora slid into her spot with a pile of blankets and dolls in her arms. She grabbed the seat belt and tried to pull it around her but it locked in place. “It won’t work,” she whined. The girl yanked hard over and over again, but nothing unlocked it.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Jamie said. She slid in through the other side and settled into the middle seat as she took the belt. “If you release it, usually it will let you start over.” The gardener did as she described and, sure enough, the seat belt buckled without issue.

“Thank you,” Flora said and slid one of her dolls under so it was safely secured as well.

The door behind Jamie closed and she heard Miles groan. “Can you sit normally? You’re taking up so much space.” 

Jamie dropped down into the middle seat and stared across Miles at the door she had entered through. In the front, Hannah was settling nicely in her seat while Owen shut the trunk and made his way to the driver’s door. “Hang on,” Jamie cried. Owen climbed in and started the car.

“Everyone ready?” Owen asked.

“No!” Jamie cried. 

Hannah sighed and looked in the rearview mirror to make eye contact with Jamie. “Honestly, we’re already running late as it is.”

The car jerked as Owen hit the gas. Everyone but Jamie chuckled under their breath and she narrowed her eyes, catching up to their ploy. She slumped against the seat and crossed her arms. “I’m being kidnapped.”

Jamie’s fit only lasted about twenty minutes before she accepted that she was on her way to Iowa and to Dani’s wedding. She was still grumbling at the airport about it, but less so. They made the decision she spent hours debating for her. If she was honest with herself, not going would have been just as agonizing. 

The plane ride was long and Flora did a great job keeping Jamie distracted. Eventually, though, the young girl fell asleep and Jamie was left alone to her thoughts once again. Hannah noticed that Jamie was biting her lip and fidgeting with a torn up napkin so she produced a book she had packed for the gardener. It helped, but Jamie found she couldn’t get through one page without thinking about Dani.

She had never been in this situation before– flying to another continent to RSVP to an ex’s wedding. It was messy and not like her. Under normal circumstances, Jamie would have closed off to Dani by now. She would have taken a weekend trip to London, gone clubbing, found some girl to take her mind off things with only to do it again the next month. Something had told Jamie that getting over the au pair wouldn’t be that easy and she had been right. 

But what did she want from going to Iowa? What would she gain? Closure? If that was what she was hoping for– closure– then Jamie was fairly positive she wouldn’t be getting any. At least, closure wouldn’t come from Dani. Dani was starting a new life without her. It wasn’t something Jamie really wanted to see first hand. She supposed she didn’t need to go to the wedding if she didn’t want to. Technically, she had been invited, but it still felt like a boundary that should not be crossed.

The first few days in Iowa weren’t horrible. Jamie had certainly expected worse for the corn capital in the middle of the United States. It was a charming small town and the five of them enjoyed their lazy days in museums, coffee shops, and the hotel pool. The town was so small, in fact, it really shouldn’t have come as a surprise that they happened to run into Dani while meandering through the downtown.

“Oh my goodness,” Dani gushed as Flora and Miles swung all over her. “I missed you guys so much.”

“Oh, Miss Clayton,” Flora sighed dramatically. “It’s been so dreadfully awful without you. None of the au pairs have been anywhere as great as you and they all quit before even a month.”  
Hannah raised her eyebrows at the young girl. “And why would that be?”

“I’m sure I haven’t the faintest idea what you’re talking about,” Flora said, innocently. The children hadn’t been very welcoming to the new au pairs. She slid her hand into Dani’s. “We were just looking at the little shops. Someone said there was a bookshop down the street and Jamie wanted to take a look. Would you care to join?”

For the first time, Dani really made eye contact with Jamie. An awkward smile flashed across both their faces. “It’s a great bookshop,” Dani said. Her voice was quiet. They held each other’s gazes for a moment and the world around them melted away. “They have some new books, but go upstairs and there’s a whole sitting room with rows and rows of used books. That’s where the good ones are.”

Jamie nodded, “I’ll remember that. Thank you.”

“How–,” Dani started, but a group of giggling women stepped out of a nearby coffee shop.

“Dan!” One of them called out. She waved her hand to catch Dani’s attention. The woman was tall, slender, and had dark brown hair that swung down her back. Pearls hung from her ears and she had on a pair of navy shorts and a striped top. The other three women surrounding her were dressed in similar, very classic, outfits. “We’re gonna be late to the manicure appointment if we don’t hurry.”

“Dan,” Jamie muttered under her breath. 

Dani’s face went red. “We were best friends in high school and the group stayed pretty close,” the au pair whispered.

Jamie’s eyebrows went up her forehead and she stuck her hands in her jean pockets. A blonde woman from the group hurried to Dani’s side and looped their arms together. It was as though Jamie was watching an entirely new person develop before her eyes. She hardly recognized Dani.

“I don’t mean to break this up,” the blonde gushed, almost too sweet. She gave the whole group a once over and then a particularly long glance at Jamie’s overalls and t-shirt. “We have to go.”

“Oh,” Dani said, snapping out of whatever trance she was in. For the first time since she made eye contact with Jamie on the sidewalk, Dani looked away. “Where are you staying?”

“The Garden Hotel,” Owen said. He pointed over his shoulder as if the building was right there. 

Impatient, the blonde started to pull Dani away and as she retreated the au pair promised to call them later that day. And she did. She invited them all out to dinner that night. Jamie insisted on staying at the hotel and ordering room service. It wasn’t that she was necessarily avoiding Dani. Dinner among friends just didn’t feel like a great way to reconnect after such a bad breakup. 

The others returned a little over two hours after their departure. Miles and Flora collapsed on the couch, exhausted after such a large meal. They described in detail the desserts they had (which Owen then handed over to Jamie in an aluminum foil swan).

“Dani said to tell you she was sad you couldn’t make it,” Hannah said and hung her jacket up on the coat rack by the door. 

Henry had booked them in a suite at the hotel. Two bedrooms connected to a shared living area. Owen and Miles were in one room while Hannah, Jamie, and Flora were in the other. It was a very comfortable set up and the five of them didn’t feel like they were living on top of one another.

“I think she misses you,” Flora sighed. She reached for the remote and turned on the TV. “All she wanted to talk about was you.”

Owen leaned against the window and pushed the blinds aside so he could see down to the parking lot. “She’s still down there.” 

Jamie perked up at his observation. She froze for a second, wondering if she should take advantage of the only chance she would probably get to talk to Dani alone. Miles grabbed a pillow and threw it at the gardener as he groaned loudly. “Just go already.”

“Take your jacket,” Hannah added. “It’s raining cats and dogs out there.”

A shock of energy burst through Jamie. She grabbed her jacket and ran out the door. It was a struggle to put it on as she sprinted down the stairs and she nearly tripped multiple times, but it was properly zipped up by the time she pushed out the stairwell door into the parking lot.

Rain slapped heavy onto the pavement below her. The black converse on her feet were not adequate shoes for the weather– her feet were already soaked. A small sedan one row over flashed its lights. Jamie pulled the hood further down her head and ran through the downpour. 

The locks clicked when she got close and she dove into the car, shutting the door quickly to avoid getting water inside. “Hi,” she huffed. The gardener was not one to go on runs so she was out of breath and bright red in the face.

“Why are you so winded?” Dani asked. She turned the heater up.

Jamie quieted for a second as she took in her ex-girlfriend. “I didn’t want you to leave before I got down here.”

Confusion flashed over Dani’s face and she looked forward at the hotel building. “Owen said you’d be down to say hi.”

“Why am I surprised?” Jamie quipped and shook her head, exasperated. A silence passed through the car. It ate up the space between them until all the two of them could think about was the silence. Eventually, Jamie cleared her throat. “So, how are you, then?”

“Good–, I’m good.” Dani nodded her head and stared straight forward. A few seconds passed and her awkward anxiety rose. So, she turned her head to look at Jamie. “You?”

“Alright,” the gardener said, slowly. She let out a long sigh. “You’re getting married tomorrow.”

“I am,” Dani whispered. She glanced down at her lap and picked at her fresh manicure.

“Shouldn’t you be at a rehearsal dinner or something?”

Dani chuckled to herself and looked out the window. “Normally, yeah, but Edmund said he didn’t want to practice. He just wanted to do it. I think he’s scared I’ll call it off. Again.”

“Sounds reasonable considering you broke off the last engagement after coming out to him,” Jamie said. Her voice wasn’t particularly harsh by any means, but it still stung her tongue as she said it. By the looks of it, it stung Dani too.

Dani clamped her jaw. “Maybe I like men, too.”

“Maybe?” Jamie cried. She leaned forward to try to force eye contact. “Don’t you think that’s something you should figure out before you get married to one?”

“I love him!”

“But are you in love with him?”

Dani snapped her gaze up to hold Jamie’s. Her face was red and her chest heaved from anger. “I was never enough for you, but I am for him. And that’s enough for me.”

“Is it?” Jamie’s voice had slowly gone up in volume until she was now yelling.

“Why didn’t you ask me to stay?” Dani yelled back. Tears suddenly welled in her eyes. Not a single one slipped, but Jamie watched as they built higher and higher on each other. “Or call me? Anything?”

Jamie swallowed and blinked back any tears that started to flood her. “You’re the one that left.”

A deep sob erupted from Dani and the tears finally spilled over. She buried her head in her hands as she cried. The gardener sat there in silence for a time, trying to decide what to do. She knew Dani wanted her to say she was still in love. But, that didn’t feel fair. For either of them. Dani was getting married tomorrow and Jamie would tear open feelings she was trying to forget just to make Dani choose between getting married and running off with her. There were no guarantees, but no matter how it worked out, someone was going to get hurt and the whole thing would become a mess.

After a minute, Dani got control of the sobs, but a few quiet tears still rolled down her face. She sniffed and wiped her eyes. “I’m– I’m sorry. I just–.”

“I should go,” Jamie rushed. It would be easier to leave now than get farther down this muddled path. Her hand rested on the handle, but she paused. “I hope you are truly happy and fulfilled in this relationship. Honestly, Dani. I really do.”

“Are you coming? Tomorrow?”

Jamie shook her head. “I don’t know. I don’t think it’s a good idea.” With that, she climbed out and stood in the open spot in front of Dani’s car. The gardener watched as the woman she thought was the love of her life drove out of the parking lot. The gardener watched as Dani cried the whole time. Once the car turned down the street and disappeared, Jamie screamed, “Fuck!”

She didn’t sleep that night. Thankfully, Flora decided to share the bed with Hannah so it made it easier to relax without a ten year old tossing and turning in the bed next to her. Even so, her mind was weighed down by the conversation. She repeated it in her head over and over. When that got exhausting, Jamie played through the different ways it could have gone. What if she did tell Dani she still loved her? What if she did ask Dani to run off with her? These questions plagued her until she slipped into sleep, not even aware she had.

When she woke up, she rolled over to an empty room. It was oddly quiet in the suite so she felt around for the clock on the bedside table. Ten in the morning. No wonder. They would probably be on their way to the wedding right now. She rolled out of bed and wandered into the central part of the suite. There was a sad selection of coffee and an even sadder collection of tea in American hotels, she had found out this week, but it was something. 

By the kindness of her friends, though, Jamie was saved from horrible tea. A cup of earl grey and a breakfast sandwich sat waiting on the table for her, both still warm. She collapsed into an armchair and dug in. While the tea was a step up from what she would have been able to make with microwaved water and cheap tea bags, it was still made by an American who didn’t know anything about good tea. It was tolerable, but still not great.

As Jamie sipped it, she chuckled to herself remembering Dani’s tea. It was either not hot enough or scalding. Sometimes, it was as if Dani brewed sugar instead of tea leaves and other times it was like drinking a cup of hot, watered down milk. The au pair’s tea was never consistent in anything but being bad which made it endearingly impossible to teach her.

Absolutely wretched tea should never incite such strong emotions, but suddenly Jamie was on her feet. She left the food and the drink on the table, forgotten and tore apart her bag for anything nice enough to wear to a wedding. Of course, Hannah and Owen had thought of everything. This entire trip seemed to be orchestrated down to the last detail because at the bottom of her bag was the black dress she wore to Owen’s mum’s funeral– the one that had been forgotten in Dani’s room after their first night together.

She threw it on with a little bit of makeup and ran out the door. The door man managed to get her a taxi in minutes and soon enough, the driver rolled to a stop in front of the church. Jamie swallowed as she stared up at the looming building.

“My condolences, darlin’,” the driver said over his shoulder.

“What?” Jamie asked.

“Your dress, the church.”

“Oh,” Jamie said, understanding now. He thought she was going to a funeral. Seemed fitting so she thanked him and paid. 

The clock displayed 10:27. The ceremony was set to start in three minutes so she had just enough time to find Hannah, Owen, and the kids. It wasn’t hard to do so, thankfully. The pew they had chosen wasn’t in the back, but they sat against the center aisle, easily in eyesight, and Jamie couldn’t help but wonder if that, too, had been planned in advance.

“Nice dress,” Owen whispered as the gardener slid in amongst them.

“I want to sit next to her,” Flora cried and tried to wiggle her way past Miles, but the sound of the organ pushed her back into her seat.

At the front of the room, Edmund took his place on the stage. He adjusted the sleeves of his tux jacket and then turned, expectant, toward the doors at the back. A hollow feeling erupted in the pit of Jamie’s stomach and she wondered if she would throw up or, worse, the pit would grow into a black hole and she would disappear into her grief. This was harder than she thought it would be.

The doors opened. The women that had hovered around Dani the day before filed out and then, there stood Dani. She was wearing a creamy-pink dress that showed off her beautiful shoulders. Her hair was up in an elegant updo and earrings dangled down so long they lined up with her jaw line. All the air in Jamie’s lungs disappeared. Dani was beautiful, stunningly beautiful, but not for her. This– a wedding like this– was something that Jamie could never give Dani. In fact, so much of this was something that Jamie could never give her. Love like theirs came at a cost in this world and many of these people would fade out of Dani’s life just as they did Jamie’s.

Jamie moved her gaze to her clasped hands. She squeezed them so tight they lost all color. That pain was easier to focus on. This whole thing had been so dumb. She shouldn’t have come to America and certainly shouldn’t have come to the wedding. It was time for her to let go and let Dani make her own decisions.

With a deep breath, Jamie returned her gaze to the bride walking down the center aisle. Dani’s face was muted, a small smile over her lips, as she held Edmund’s gaze. The groom stood, watching her make her way down the aisle, closer to him. His face was split apart by so much joy and emotion, the whole room could see he was crying. 

From her place in the aisle, Dani finally caught sight of Jamie. And she grinned. The way Edmund was looking at Dani was how Dani was now looking at Jamie.

Dumbstruck, Jamie couldn’t do anything but blink and smile back. The au pair returned her gaze to her fiance and the smile dimmed once more. She passed by the pew where Jamie stood and the gardener couldn’t take it anymore. She jumped into the aisle behind Dani. 

Gasps erupted through the entire room. Everyone’s heads turned to face the two women and Edmund took a step closer, scared. The organ player abruptly stopped playing and then the room went silent. Dani looked around at everyone, confused. With her back to Jamie, she hadn’t known the gardener had stepped out of place. The bride’s eyes followed everyone else and she turned around to see her ex-girlfriend standing there.

“Jamie?” Dani whispered, her voice shaking as she spoke.

Owen leaned out and muttered to Jamie, “You were supposed to wait for the preacher to say ‘speak now or forever hold your peace’.” She sent her fist behind her until it made contact with his shoulder. He yowled a bit and stepped back.

Jamie’s mind went blank. What was she supposed to say here? Out Dani in front of everyone? There had been no plan and, just as she had suspected, she’d made a mess of things. So, she said each word slowly, tasting them in her mouth to make sure it was safe, but not too safe. “You were enough.” She swallowed. “Don’t do it.”

Edmund bounded down the steps and towered behind Dani. His eyes glared down at Jamie. “I don't know who you are, but you should leave.”

The two held each other’s eye contact, strong, angry, before Jamie finally broke it and looked at the other woman. “Dani?”

Dani looked back and forth between Edmund and Jamie. Finally, she turned and set one hand on Edmund’s chest. Her engagement ring sparkled in the light. “Edmund, I just need a minute. To talk to Jamie. Please.”

He blinked hard and fast. His face turned red and he sucked in air. “If you do that, I’m not marrying you.” Edmund seemed to gain more confidence in himself as he said it. He nodded. “It’s now or never, Danielle. What do you want to do?”

A pin could drop in the church and the people outside would hear. No one moved. No one said anything. It was a horrible amount of pressure on Dani, Jamie could only imagine. Tears sprung into her eyes and she looked at the ground, away from the gardener, away from her fiance. 

“What’s going on?” Someone asked behind the three of them. Two older women approached them. One resembled Edmund and the other Dani so Jamie could only assume it was their mothers.

“I don’t know, you tell them,” Edmund hissed to Dani. “Who is this?”

Dani looked around at the room, all the people staring, making up stories in their mind. She shook her head. “Please, not here. Can we just go somewhere–.”

“No,” Edmund shook his head. “I’m tired of this. You’re the one who came back after you told me you’re–.”

“Please,” Dani snapped, cutting him off before he said something he could never unsay. “Not here.”

Again, silence. The groom laughed and shook his head. “I should have known it was too good to be true.”

Dani stepped close to him once more. “I do love you.”

“Just not like that,” he finished.

“Yeah,” Dani whispered. Tears slipped down her face. “Not like that.”

Edmund held his hands up and stepped back until there was at least a foot of space between them. “Why did you come back then?” It was too complicated an answer to give there, in the aisle of the church they were supposed to be saying their vows in at that very moment. So, Dani stayed quiet. “I should have known,” he repeated and then retreated back up the aisle and into the side room he had spent the morning in.

“I need a second,” Dani said. Her voice cracked over a quiet sob and she looked back at Jamie.

“Yeah, of course, take your time,” Jamie nodded. There had been no answer from Dani. The wedding was off, sure, but there was still the question of their reuniting hanging in the air between them. 

Dani took a deep breath. “No, I mean I need a second from all of this.” She waved at the church around her, the guests who still rubber necked the group huddled there. “Come with me. Please.”

“Oh,” Jamie said. She understood and followed Dani back down the aisle through the doors they all entered from. Dani led her into a brightly lit dressing room. Empty champagne glasses littered the counter space and dressing gowns were strewn across chairs and hooks. 

With the door closed, Dani hesitated for a moment and then pulled Jamie into a tight hug. The two stood there for a moment. Jamie relaxed into it and slid her hand to the back of Dani’s head, gently holding her closer. They pulled apart and held eye contact for a long time. A small giggle escaped Dani and Jamie followed suit. Then, Dani’s mouth was on hers. As much as the two were hungry for it, the kiss remained soft. Dani’s hands tangled in Jamie’s hair while Jamie pulled her closer by the waist.

The door slammed open and the two of them jumped apart. Dani bumped into the table behind her and a champagne glass fell to the floor, shattering. 

Mrs. Clayton stood in the door staring with her mouth open. She cleared her throat and closed her mouth. “I see.” The woman took another step into the room and closed the door behind her. “Well, I think that answers most of my questions.”

Dani wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. “Mom, I–.”

The older woman waved her hand in the air to stop her daughter. “It’s okay, I understand.” She turned to Jamie and offered a warm smile. “It’s nice to meet you, dear.”

“You… too?” Jamie said. She didn’t mean it to come out like a question, she was just surprised. So much had happened over the last ten minutes, she could barely keep up.

Mrs. Clayton pointed over her shoulder. “There’s a lot of confusion out there. Judy and Edmund, they’re both pretty upset.”

“Um, right,” Dani nodded and stepped over the glass on the floor. “Okay. Um,” she stopped in her tracks and looked at Jamie. “What do I do?”

“It’s up to you, Poppins,” Jamie said. 

Dani chewed on her lip for a second. “You’ll be here?”

“Of course,” Jamie said. “I can go with you if you want.” Her words allowed Dani to take a deep breath and the au pair nodded.

All three of them filed out of the room together.

“Does this mean you’re moving back to England?” Mrs. Clayton whispered.

“Not really a conversation for right now,” Dani said.

Jamie dipped her head and smiled.

Back in the ceremony room, people had started to congregate amongst themselves. Judy stood at the door, lips tightly pursed and arms crossed. She kept looking around the room, waiting. When she finally found Dani returning, she stomped up to the young woman.

“I think you owe us an explanation,” Judy cried.

Dani squared her jaw and raised her eyes, “All due respect, Mrs. O’Mara, the only person I maybe owe anything to is your son.” That was clearly not the response Judy expected. Her mouth fell open and her arms dropped to her side. Then, Dani turned to face everyone. The confidence fell off her face and, when she continued, her voice shook. “I want to thank all of you for coming today. Um, especially after last time. There’s not going– going to be a wedding anymore. If you want you can get food and hang out in the reception room or just take it to go or, I guess, you can just go home if you want, too.”

A flutter of conversation filled up the room. No one wanted to be the first to move so Hannah led the Bly pack toward the door. Her movement encouraged others to empty out, too. As they passed Jamie, only a couple steps behind Dani, she gave them all a look.

“We’ll talk about this later,” Jamie whispered.

“It worked, didn’t it?” Miles said.

Flora shrugged, “You’re welcome.”

The gardener laughed as they all disappeared around the corner. It only took a minute for the guests to trickle out leaving Judy, Karen, Jamie, and Dani alone standing over white rose petals. Edmund appeared again. His jacket and tie were discarded somewhere in the room behind him and the top buttons of his shirt were undone. In his hand was a corkless champagne bottle.  
“Why?” He cried and barrelled down the steps toward the four of them. “Everyone’s gone now so I want to know why.”

Dani blinked fast, no doubt fighting tears. Her chin jerked up the way it does when she’s trying to convince herself to be braver than she feels. “I found the love of my life. No matter how much I used to wish I could make it be you, it’s just not and I can’t keep pretending you are.”

Jamie’s eyes snapped to the back of Dani’s head. Love of her life. She was the love of Dani’s life.

Edmund waved his free hand in the air. “No, I get that.” He stopped and took a drink out of the bottle. His mother stepped closer and tried to take it from him, but he brushed her off. “I was heartbroken when you broke up with me the first time, but I understood. And I understand that you love her. What I don’t understand is why you came back. Why you let me believe I actually had a chance to be with you when you knew all along.” Judy turned to look between Jamie and Dani, surprised. Evidently, Edmund had not told Judy the full story as to why they broke up.

“You’re right,” Dani nodded, even though he hadn’t really said anything she could agree with. Still, she knew what he was saying underneath it all. “You’re right. I was scared and I dragged you into it because you were safe. I’ll regret that for the rest of my life. You– you deserve so much better, Edmund.”

“Safe,” Edmund repeated, letting it roll over his tongue. It must have tasted sour because his face scrunched up and he drank more champagne to wash it away. 

“It wasn’t fair of me–.”

“You think?” Edmund hissed. He took a deep breath and stepped up close to Dani. His arm extended and he handed Dani the champagne bottle in his hand. With shaking hands she accepted it and took a long sip. “I can’t begin to imagine what it’s like for you to come to terms with something like this. For that, I’ll forgive you. But I don’t think I can ever forgive you for dragging me along with you.”

She nodded, her face curled in sadness. He looked over her shoulder at his mother and the two quietly left without another word. 

Karen clapped her hands together and looked around. “Okay, well, I’m going to go check on the reception area. See what kind of trouble people are stirring up in there.”

Then, it was just Jamie and Dani. The au pair offered out the champagne bottle which was accepted by the gardener. Both of them took a seat on the closest pew, staring up at the stage. No words were exchanged, just alcohol.

“For what it’s worth,” Jamie said, “you’re the love of my life, too.”

Maybe it was the stress of the last hour or the last year or the rush of emotion that enveloped them, but both immediately descended into laughter.

When they recovered, Dani wiped her eyes of the tears she shed while laughing. Her makeup was already ruined and a bit of mascara came off on her finger. “What were you saying to Hannah earlier, when she walked past?”

“Oh, that,” Jamie said. She readjusted in the seat until her thigh was pressed up against Dani’s. “They had a very well planned scheme to get us back together.” She stopped abruptly and blushed when she realized what she said. Were they back together?

“I hear Flora and Miles might be in need of a good au pair?” Dani asked.

Jamie nodded, slowly. “They are, yes.”

“When do you guys fly out?”

“In two days.”

Dani licked her lips and then chewed on her cheek. “Think I could start then?”

“Something tells me Henry would gladly take you back,” Jamie said. This was fun, but she was growing frustrated by the lack of a direct answer on either of their parts.

“And what about you?” Dani asked, breathy. “Would you take me back?”

Jamie’s ears started to ring, her eyes widened, and then a grin spread across her face. “Yeah, Poppins. I’d gladly take you back, too.” She leaned in to the au pair and left a gentle kiss on her lips. Just a short one. When she pulled back, Dani stayed still, eyes closed, holding onto it. “You’ve got a lot of packing to do.”

Dani opened her eyes and smiled. “Want to help?”

“I’d love to,” Jamie said.

The kids were thrilled to hear about Dani’s return and Henry, of course, did not hesitate to offer her her old job back. Owen and Hannah were excited to have their friend return and Owen talked about the dinner he was going to make their first night back.

Dani’s things were already in boxes at her mom’s house, waiting to move in with Edmund. He’d been hesitant to take that step out of fear for this very outcome. Karen had no issue with Jamie spending the last two nights of the trip there. So, after Dani spent the day showing Jamie all around her hometown with excited stories about every street and every shop, they would return to her childhood bedroom to separate what would go to Bly and what would be donated. This time, Dani wasn’t putting anything in storage. She knew she wasn’t going to have a need for it.

When they returned to Bly, Dani’s doll was removed from the door. She was home. Jamie’s doll did turn up outside of Dani’s room only a few days later, though. Apparently Flora wasn’t satisfied with how few residents lived, happy, inside the walls of Bly just yet.


End file.
